09/14/15

there is nothing that will ever prepare you to see the only man you've ever loved out in public with another girl and being incandescently happy

nothing

restless

tonight this pillow of mine is your chest

and i can feel your heart beat and your chest continues to rise and fall

rise and fall

and the cover on this pillow is your favorite t shirt

and tonight that shirt is soaking up my tears

because you're not here

you never were

and tonight i love myself a little less

because i couldn't be enough to make you love me

tonight i hope you're sleeping well

and i hope that you have sweet dreams of her

because tonight i will be restless without you

i will always be restless without you

hi.

i'm sarah.

i am 19 years old.

i live with my parents.

i am an english major.

i have no friends.

i wear an obsidian ring.

i write sad poems for sad people on the internet.

i am an aquarius and a ravenclaw (if that means anything to you).

i am writing this at 2 am.

i am in love with a boy who only loved me for one night.

i adore pasta.

i have post traumatic stress disorder.

i have watched pride and prejudice more times than i would care to admit.

i have struggled with self harm.

i am fascinated with tesseract theory.

i am over stimulated by physical touch.

i hit the enter key more than i should.

i have lived through the deaths of 23 friends and family.

i lived in paris for a semester and i never really left.

and i am all alone in this world.

yet, despite all of this... i'm happy.

i don't know why.

but i'm happy.