the blues

you told me to sing the blues

you said that if my songs were all this sad

that they’d sound more like me to you

you said i was in my own world

you said that i was always somewhere else

that you never knew where i was

you said i looked so soft

you said i looked so gentle when i fell asleep next to you

that i looked peacefully beautiful

you said you were glad i was sober

you said you were glad i never did what you did

that i didn’t hurt myself like you did

you said that you loved me

you said i love you like you really meant it

three times you said it

you said you remembered

you said you remembered how much i loved billie holiday

that the blues were everything i was

you said you had a secret

you told me to keep it just between us

that chet baker was just for us

you asked me why

you asked me why i didn’t write anymore

that you missed my voice

you said you were alright

you said you were alright after arguing with you parents again

that you weren’t hurt

you said you were moving

you said that we would see each other again soon

that you wouldn’t forget me

please don’t forget me

because i’m not ready to forget you yet

please remember what i said

i need you to remember that i loved you

that i meant it

and i need you to know that i only love the blues

because they remind me of you

01/25/16

hi.

it's been a while hasn't it?

sorry for the silence.

i just had nothing to say.

nothing in my life has been worth writing about.

and yes i started college and yes my heart was broken again but these things have happened to me.

they haven't effected me quite yet.

i'm the happiest i've ever been in my life.

but at the same time i've never been so lonely.

because all the friends i didn't think i had have moved on.

and the only man that i've ever loved who loved me back didn't want to stay.

and i said i didn't want him to either but i've always been a good liar.

i'm afraid i'll never see him again.

and that haunts me.

at least the last thing we said to each other was "i love you."

i just hope he knows i always will.

they emptiness has returned to my chest.

and i'm truly smiling and truly living but it doesn't feel real just yet.

i'm going along with the motions and i'm doing my best to stay on top of it all.

but i can't help feeling like it all will come crumbling down.

that life can't ever truly be this good.

that nothing lasts forever.

i want to love my life but i can't yet.

i have trust issues.

and my heart is still on my cheek.

and i wish someone would rip it off and tell me how beautiful it is.

but people are scared to get blood on their hands i guess.

sorry i'm rambling.

i just have no one to talk to.

whats new?