01/25/16

hi.

it's been a while hasn't it?

sorry for the silence.

i just had nothing to say.

nothing in my life has been worth writing about.

and yes i started college and yes my heart was broken again but these things have happened to me.

they haven't effected me quite yet.

i'm the happiest i've ever been in my life.

but at the same time i've never been so lonely.

because all the friends i didn't think i had have moved on.

and the only man that i've ever loved who loved me back didn't want to stay.

and i said i didn't want him to either but i've always been a good liar.

i'm afraid i'll never see him again.

and that haunts me.

at least the last thing we said to each other was "i love you."

i just hope he knows i always will.

they emptiness has returned to my chest.

and i'm truly smiling and truly living but it doesn't feel real just yet.

i'm going along with the motions and i'm doing my best to stay on top of it all.

but i can't help feeling like it all will come crumbling down.

that life can't ever truly be this good.

that nothing lasts forever.

i want to love my life but i can't yet.

i have trust issues.

and my heart is still on my cheek.

and i wish someone would rip it off and tell me how beautiful it is.

but people are scared to get blood on their hands i guess.

sorry i'm rambling.

i just have no one to talk to.

whats new?